Letting children cheat is harmful

Dear Abby: I was raised from an early age that if you play a game, you have to play fair and obey the rules. Those rules were never bent regardless of what the game was or who we played with.

A couple I know allow their children to play games with adults and let them cheat. I no longer enjoy playing with this family, but I don't know what to do or say. I have tried to subtly discourage and stop the deceptions, but I don't want to seem like a sore loser. Any suggestions? -- Plays by the Rules, Urbana, Ohio

Dear Plays by the Rules: Yes. Do not play games with the family if the children are involved. It's not about being a sore loser; it's about not being a chump. By allowing their children to ignore the "rules," these parents are sending the message that rules don't apply to them. Because the children cheat when they play with you, it's safe to assume that they think it's acceptable to do it with other kids. Look at it this way: From little cheaters, big cheaters grow.

Dear Abby: My sister-in-law has just informed me that she doesn't think it is as important for her daughters to attend college as it is her sons.

Abby, I have friends in their 30s and 40s who, for one reason or another, are single women supporting themselves. Even some who have degrees are struggling, but they are able to own their own homes because they are able to earn decent salaries.

What should I say when my mother-in-law and sister-in-law put me down for higher learning? Neither of them went to college or has ever worked. They would be on welfare if they didn't have their husbands' income. -- Educate

Dear Educated: Your mother-in-law and sister-in-law do not understand the financial realities that exist for women today because they have never been exposed to them. Nothing that you can say to them will change their mind-set.

So rather than respond to their naive comments, take every opportunity to encourage your nieces to pursue their educations so they can live independent lives.

And pray that your father-in-law and brother-in-law leave their wives well-provided-for should tragedy strike, because otherwise they could wind up on your doorstep.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. Dear Abby