Emotional overload

Soldier struggles to describe feeling of being targeted

Comments

April 17, 2007

Editor's note: Four years ago, U.S. forces invaded Iraq. Cathy Henderson of Naperville is sharing with Sun readers e-mails sent by her son, Jason, 23, a 2002 graduate of Naperville Central High School. In October, Jason - an Army private first class - began a yearlong stint in Iraq. He is stationed in Ramadi, the capital of Anbar province, a town about 100 miles west of Baghdad. The Sun will print his e-mails on Tuesdays and Fridays.

We continue with an e-mail Jason sent from Iraq to his mother.

From: hondo5321@aol.com

Sent: Date unknown

To: Henderson, Cathy

This is a subject that I haven't broached up until now, but I think it is important. After all, this is the daily reality that we are faced with over here. I could quote probably 2 dozen lines to describe what it feels like to be shot at, and that's just from my memory, but I felt that it would be better to put it for all of you in my own words. I know that I am not as well spoken as many who have preceded me, but I have always been a firm believer in offering my own perspective.

Looking back, I remember that while it was going on, I was completely and singularly focused on the task at hand: getting my SAW unjammed. It was only afterwards that the emotions hit. I felt an overwhelming number of them at once: relief, fear, anger, excitement, annoyance. I am sure that I could go on, but that should give you a good idea. It was as if all they were all blended up and thrown at me at the same time. I didn't know how to get them out. I tried talking about it to the guy next to me, but all that kept coming out was "woooooo", or something like that.

Here I am, a month later, and I can still close my eyes and picture those AK's. I can still see that tracer ricocheting across my window, so close that I could have reached out and grabbed it. For those of you who have never seen tracers fly, for me at least, it is deceivingly slow. As a good infantryman, I can tell you that a round from an M-4 (my weapon) travels at 3600 feet per second. It is a safe assumption that a round from an AK-47 travels at a similar speed. Yet, when I see tracers, especially after a ricochet, they seem to be moving at a much slower rate. I'm sure that my memory of the event has exaggerated it even more, but I remember watching that tracer bounce off the column and move all the way across my field of vision. I don't know if there is anything else to tell you, I am still trying to sort it out exactly in my mind. For now I guess it will suffice to say that it was probably the single most intense moment of my life.

There isn't much else to report from here. It is starting to get warmer here. During the days it is topping off at the mid 80's-90's, nighttime seems to get no colder than around 50. It would be pretty nice if the temperature could just hold itself steady here. Unfortunately though, we have a long way to go before the temp levels off. I hope that all is well back there, and I send my thanks and prayers to everyone. I will do my best to continue to keep yall updated.