Small changes, big results

While there's no Holy Grail of happiness, Alexandra Stoddard says we all can incorporate small changes into our lives to boost our happiness quotient. Here are some suggestions:

• Define yourself: Write down 10 words that define who you are - words like "family," "beach" and "home." If "nature" is one of your defining terms but you never have time for a sunrise or a walk in the woods, start building these back into your life.

• Be selfish: "Every day," Stoddard says, "do something that you want to do that's just for you, that has no redeeming value except that it's going to give you pleasure." Many busy women - especially those with kids and families - rarely do this. "It could be going to Starbucks and taking 20 minutes to read a book."

• Feed your mind: Stoddard and husband, Peter Megargee Brown, believe in reading good literature. Stoddard reads Emerson; Brown loves ancient Greek poetry. But even if your reading diet includes nothing deeper than Us Weekly, branch out with a classic novel or thoughtful nonfiction book and broaden your mind.

• Have a "Positive Day": This one's tougher than it sounds. Try to avoid having any negative thoughts all day long. So no silent smirking about your colleague's outdated dress. "See if you can go 10 minutes, then another 20 minutes," Stoddard said. "If the milk has gone bad, don't complain about it. Just go out and get some more. Complaining increases the pain - why go through it twice?"

• Bring on the kids: Ever notice that children don't need to "learn" how to have fun? They just do. Spending time with little ones can draw out your own spontaneous joy.

• Clear the clutter: Don't get sentimental about the past, Stoddard said. "The 'good old days' are now." That doesn't mean randomly tossing meaningful objects from your past, but those faded knickknacks you picked up at the Wisconsin Dells might be ripe for the wastebasket.

- Maureen Jenkins, Sun-Times News Group