Come on, get happy

How often do we think of "happiness" as a destination, a sacred place where we'll arrive when we finally lose those 25 pounds or if we get that new job, promotion or raise?

But happiness is a choice, says Alexandra Stoddard, author, "lifestyle philosopher," interior decorator and good-living guru to countless readers who have bought, read and lived her 25 books. Her 2002 "Choosing Happiness: Keys to a Joyful Life" (Collins, $19.95), now in its 15th printing, drives home the point that joy is found in the small, everyday moments - if we pay attention.

And her latest, "You Are Your Choices: 50 Ways To Live the Good Life" (Collins, $19.95) picks up where "Happiness" left off, giving readers 50 essays to remind us that while life may throw us curveballs, only we can choose to duck or come out swinging.

Stoddard was in Chicago last week, hosting a "Happiness Weekend" Friday and Saturday at the Ritz-Carlton Chicago for those willing to invest $250 in her philosophy. Over cocktails and during a book signing, three meals and two interactive seminars, they listened as Stoddard, 65, and her 84-year-old husband, Peter Megargee Brown, shared their formula for living joyously through good times and bad.

But is it really that simple?

"People want to be around you when you're happier," said Stoddard, a grandmother who has hosted these weekends for four years. "You get more done; you're not a muddled thinker. It's not fluff; it's a deep, deep commitment to yourself."

And happiness has nothing to do with whether you're Donald Trump-rich or broke as a joke. It's about disciplining your mind to embrace the "invisible wealth" that comes from a satisfied soul.

"We have to train our minds to think the thoughts that are going to bring the greatest wealth - not just to us, but society," Stoddard said. "We have to be full of gratitude. Invisible wealth is this incredible mindfulness of our blessings and the people we love."

A pupil of her own philosophy, Stoddard admits that she works hard to put this happiness stuff into action each day. A believer in the intrinsic link between health and happiness, she's thrilled the medical profession finally is examining the connection from the positive side.

"You can't study unhappiness, pathology and misery and have it teach you about happiness," she says. "You have to go to the source."

That's what Cindy Fletcher, 45, planned to do last weekend. She went to Stoddard's "Happiness Weekend" in October, held both at Stoddard's own 18th-century cottage in Stonington Village, Conn., and the nearby bed-and-breakfast Inn at Stonington. An avid Stoddard reader for 20 years, she saw the weekend advertised on the author's Web site and couldn't resist. And she got a San Francisco girlfriend and her husband to go.

"At the risk of sounding groupie-ish, it really was a life-changing experience," said Fletcher, who owns an insurance agency in Northville, Mich. "I just started thinking about what I look forward to every day that makes me happy." Among the small joys she has incorporated into her life is a subscription to the Sunday New York Times. She says she's never happier than when "I'm in my bed with pillows and papers scattered all over." And because she'd never seen an opera, she went and watched a prerecorded performance of New York's Metropolitan Opera at her local movie theater.

"I think I'm more committed to (happiness) and the idea that if you don't give it some thought, how can you implement it or be open to it? It took looking inside, having some quiet time and not running around like we do daily."

Fletcher went to last weekend's workshops "with an open mind. I think because of the different people there each time, it'll be a different dynamic and result."

One of those seminar newbies was Gloria Valentino, a 66-year-old social services worker and author from west-suburban Indian Head Park. But she didn't travel to Chicago on Friday night for some magic elixir. A woman who finds joy in e-mailed photos of her month-old great-niece and beautifully delicate French-made stationery, Valentino believes Stoddard is a kindred spirit and has ever since she picked up her "Living a Beautiful Life" tome years ago.

"It paralleled my thinking all along," said Valentino, who said Stoddard inspired her to self-publish "Epiphany Under Paris Skies," a book about her own self-discovery in the City of Light. "I'm on the right track; this is what it's supposed to be about. In the long run, happiness is, 'Are you content within yourself?'"

Chicago Sun-Times