Proud to be stay-at-home mother

I accepted the job position of stay-at-home parent, and I am rather intolerant of a group of people society seems to promote: the "working mom."

Put your briefcases down and read my disclaimer, ladies: I am not referring to anyone who has to work for money to make ends meet. I'm talking about those who don't understand that being a parent is a career.

I did the "working" thing -- prior to parenthood -- with my master's degree and the 80-hour work week, and I felt empty in that life because something was missing. My husband and I used to talk about our 671 reasons not to have children.

You can't leave them home alone all day. They whine and demand expensive gear. They mess up the house.

One day, we came up with two simple, non-glorious reasons to have children. Mine: they change every day; never a dull moment. His: it would be nice to have someone to teach. Not a lot, but there they were.

I got pregnant, enjoyed myself and had our baby. She didn't come with the romantic notion of bouncing a bundle of joy and everlasting love at first sight. We had, however, an immediate understanding that this child was a part of us, and we'd do our best to give her a wonderful start in life. Three nights later (17-times-a-day nursing), I fell in love. I am very fond of sleep, but during the couple of hours she'd let me doze, all I could do was stare at her. Never have I felt such a fierce kind of devotion.

I had it hard the first year. Losing my income was unexpected. My bundle of joy couldn't even be bounced -- she had reflux after each of her 17 daily meals. I had no sleep, no car, no friends, no extra money and no family nearby. My identity flew the coop, too, since the first question people always asked was: "What do you do?" And my answer of "I am a stay-at-home mom" was invariably followed up with: "When do you go back to work?" Cue crickets.

One day, I had an answer: "I am at work. This is what I do. And, in fact, I'm home-schooling, so I never intend to work for money again."

Suddenly, because I was confident in our family decision, everyone started to treat me with more respect. I started to get responses like, "Wow, I could never do that!" And other things fell into place: We got a car, the reflux went away, I formed a large play group, and I lost the baby weight in time to get pregnant again.

In our new life, I know I gave up nothing, and I got everything in return. I take pride in who my children are and what they accomplish because I was there, and I am here. Now don't get me wrong, it isn't always easy. We live paycheck to paycheck, so we can't take big vacations, buy fancy things, or even afford a baby sitter. But I still wouldn't trade it.

Again, I know there are many moms (and dads) who love their children but financially must work. Or those who need extra help and time apart when their child has a mental or physical disability. That's understandable. But for the parents who can afford to stay home, my question is: "Why don't you?"

I've heard lots of petty excuses, like: "I don't have the patience -- my kids would drive me nuts." I think your kids are driving you nuts because you don't stay home. They are looking for the attention. I know you so-called "super moms" don't want to hear it, but there is no such thing as "Quality Time."

Another ridiculous excuse: "I'd be so bored just staying home with the kids." Well, I guess you would if you just stay home. But that isn't raising a child either. Whether you home school or not, raising a child involves playing with them, teaching them, exposing them to the world through good values and education. If that bores you, you aren't doing enough.

"But I need 'me' time," is another refrain I hear. Well, I home school my girls, and there are times -- when they use the computer, color, read, or play -- when I can carve out my own space. I talk with other moms during play dates, or chat on the phone as I clean the house.

The girls go to bed at a decent hour. My husband watches them periodically so that I can grocery shop or see friends. Where there is a will, there is way.

Staying at home to raise your children is your job as a parent -- if you can afford to do it. If you can't, try to work at home, while they are in school, or on the weekends. Take opposite shift work from your spouse or partner. Freelance, take small jobs. I personally write, computer consult, and work in the church nursery for spare cash. You can keep up your job skills but be there for your children in quantity time.

Get over yourself and learn to love a different kind of payment. The "sacrifices" don't make you a martyr, they make you a parent. I am loved "more than chocolate," and I know it is all worth it.

Brandy Carrelli can be contacted at kbmailbox1-column@yahoo.com.