Mother knows best what a good stand-in should instill

My daughter Tessa's best friend, Olivia, Olivia's 11-year-old sister, Sophia, my 10-year-old cousin, Gracey, and I were leaving the movie theater.

All three were staying with us. Because their respective parents were out of town, our home became a mini sorority house. We had just seen a lovely movie, but I was mad.

With Maggie working and Tessa at a birthday party, our guests were stuck with me for the evening. "We can see a movie," I had suggested earlier in the day. The next few hours were spent checking times and tickets online. There was also a ton of conversation about which movies were appropriate for a 10- and 11-year-old.

"I've seen R-rated movies before," Gracey jumped in, innocently trying to sound as mature as her other weekend companions. Gracey lost her mom to cancer three years ago this June. She and her mom spent a lot of time together cuddled in bed just watching movies. She may have seen an inappropriate movie once or twice as she spent those last few months with her mom, but that's not important compared to those moments.

Olivia and Sophia's mom lives in California. Spending only a few weeks out of the summer with her, they probably count on one hand the number of movies they've seen with their mother.

"So what's top on the list?" I asked enthusiastically, taking a sip of tea.

" Baby Mama ," Gracey offered.

Sophia nodded hopefully. "It looks funny."

Tea shot through my nose. "Oh, no, no, no," I sputtered. "Not doing pregnant movies."

Iron Man ? Sophia offered.

"Sci-fi, right?" I asked.

They nodded.

"Don't really care for sci-fi," I grimaced.

" Made of Honor looks good," Olivia offered.

It did look good, but it was rated PG-13. There had to be a reason -- not that I'm some kind of ratings freak when it comes to movies. My own children have seen a few dicey movies over the years. I took Maggie and Tessa to see Titanic when they were 4 and 5, just to get them out of the house for three hours as Jerry slept. And once, in an effort to please a variety of ages, we took the entire family to see The Wedding Singer . The most memorable moment of the whole movie was when Maggie, who was 8 at the time, asked me loudly what a certain sexual act made famous by our former president was.

But there I was in charge of other people's children. So I went online and clicked around to several sites trying to get a sense of what was the reasoning behind the PG-13. Apparently, there were sexual situations and some swears. Since Iron Man looked like it might cause nightmares, we opted for Made of Honor .

True to the warnings, there were two moments that were awkward, but then it happened. The token fat girl in the movie stuffed herself into the smaller size dress only to split it open. And the theater erupted in laughter.

As we walked out, the girls, reacting to my silence, were quiet. Between the grandma who swears and the jumping in and out of bed references, I felt like a bad surrogate mom. But for some reason, I was more upset about the mean scene involving the chubby bridesmaid.

"I'm really bummed," I said finally. "They had so many good messages about what real love is, and then they take that cheap shot about a woman's weight."

What ensued was a great conversation about how the movie could have been made without making fun of the overweight girl. The girls also reflected on the entire theater laughing.

As they returned to their weekday, I know the cool thing for the girls was to brag about seeing the movie and the grandma who dropped an "A" bomb.

But maybe, just maybe, they also spouted a little disapproval about the fat chick jokes -- which is about the best a surrogate mom for the weekend could hope for.

Happy Mother's Day!