Humor is disabled woman's defense

D ear Abby: May I offer a response to the letter from "Petite's Mom in Salem, Va." (Feb. 25), whose daughter "Claire" is the target of rude comments due to her size?

I was born disabled and walk with a limp. All my life, people have demanded the most outrageous information, including the standard, "What's wrong with you?" or, "Do you take medicine for that?" And my favorite, "But ... can you have sex?"

I have found the best defense against rudeness is a sense of humor and compassion. Many people say things without intending to insult, and sometimes they speak before they have a chance to think.

When someone asks me a rude question, I'm likely to respond with one of your gems: "Why do you ask?" -- Linda in Mathews, Va.

Dear Linda: Thank you for the reminder that a softer retort can be as effective as one that's confrontational. Many readers "weighed" in with similar experiences and suggestions for Claire. Read on:

Dear Abby: The letter from "Petite's Mom" was resonant of many years of my life. I grew up in the '30s and '40s. I have never weighed more than 110 pounds and, at 5 feet 4 inches tall, have endured similar questions and comments my entire life. Example from a stranger: "You're the skinniest person I have ever seen!"

It used to make me feel inferior. How things have changed. Recently, as I was leaving a restaurant, I overheard a woman say, "I would kill to be that size!" How sweet it is. -- Glad I Lived to See the Day, Orange, Calif.

Dear Abby: Years ago, I told a very small kindergartner, "You sure are small to be in kindergarten." She must have heard it many times before, because she replied, "My mommy says it's not how big you are; it's how much you KNOW." From the mouths of babes. It taught me a lesson, and I have never commented again about a person's size. -- Mimi in Maud, Okla.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.