Driving puts brakes on engagement

D ear Abby : I fell in love with "Wade" the night I met him. We almost got married, but he couldn't get past my fear of driving. As a child, I witnessed an accident. It was horrific and left me emotionally scarred. If I try to drive in traffic I freeze up and get flashbacks. I have tried for years to put this behind me.

After three years, Wade finally issued an ultimatum. Unless I drove, he would not buy me an engagement ring. He said my inability to drive would create too great a hardship for us.

Abby, I wanted desperately to get past my fear, but couldn't -- not even for love. I love Wade dearly, but not enough to endanger other people's lives. I ended the relationship and told him I hoped he'd find a pretty driver. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I miss him every day. Did I do the right thing? -- Heartbroken in West Virginia

Dear Heartbroken : You may have acted hastily. There are mental health professionals who specialize in helping people with post-traumatic-stress problems, and you appear to fall into that category. Please talk to your doctor and ask for a referral to see if your childhood trauma can be overcome. Then, if you're successful, call Wade and invite him out for a "spin" -- preferably to the nearest jeweler. If you make one more attempt to get past this, at least you'll know you left no stone unturned.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.