She wants promise; he's not ready

D ear Abby: For the last three years I have been dating this girl, "Annie," whom I love very much. We're both 18, and I am starting college in the fall and plan to go into the military.

My problem is that Annie is already talking about marriage and kids. I am now hearing from some of her friends that she's disappointed I haven't given her a promise ring yet. I'm not against giving her one, but I'm not sure I'm mentally prepared for the next step.

I don't want Annie to think I don't care for her, because I do. She is perfect. I just need some advice from someone outside the family. What do you think I should do? -- Undecided

Dear Undecided : Lay your cards on the table with Annie. Tell her that, although you think she is "perfect," you're not ready to propose -- or even promise that you will. You are about to enter college, but you did not mention what her plans are.

Allow me to offer more advice. You and Annie have been involved since your sophomore year of high school. You would both be better served to continue your education, date others for a while, and grow as individuals before making any lifetime commitments.

Dear Abby: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary soon. We do not want a party or gifts. However, I would like to send out an announcement with a recent family photo commemorating the occasion. In other words, I'd like to share my entire family with friends who haven't seen my grandchildren. Is this proper? -- Mr. and Mrs. P. in Washington State

Dear Mr. and Mrs. P.: To send an announcement and photo before the event could seem like a solicitation. However, if you do it after your anniversary -- with a short note explaining that you thought they might enjoy seeing all three generations -- I see nothing improper about it.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.