Family is hateful about mixed marriage

D ear Abby: My husband, "Vincent," and I have been together for 10 years. We have two beautiful children, a good marriage and a close bond with my family.

Vincent's family disowned him when he married me because of my race, and he's now starting to feel the full emotional impact. He is angry and disappointed with his family, but I know he misses them terribly. I have been called every name in the book by his mother, ignored by his siblings and brought to tears by his father's hateful words. I refuse to expose our children to that kind of treatment, so I have not pushed Vincent to contact his family, even though I feel he should try.

Abby, his family grew up hating minorities, and I doubt they have changed since we last spoke. What can I do to help my husband though this without exposing myself and the children to their ignorance and bigotry? I know our kids will face this issue sometime, but it shouldn't come from family.

-- Unacknowledged in Arizona

Dear Unacknowledged: I agree that it shouldn't come from family. So just listen when your husband vents, because his anger and disappointment are justified. Do not push him to contact his family. They are so vested in their bias that it's unlikely they will change.

Vincent made his choice 10 years ago, and he chose you. And that is why, rather than dwelling on the past, he should focus his energies on creating a successful and fulfilling future with you, his beautiful children and the family who has embraced him.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.