Families of disabled children can find help

D ear Abby: Please allow me to respond to "No Thanks! Sacramento, Calif." (Feb. 7). Having also grown up with a disabled sibling, I empathize with her distress and feeling "saddled" with an obligation of caring for her younger mentally retarded sister.

I recommend she talk to her school counselor, who may be able to assist with family counseling. Once her sister turns 18, she may be eligible for public assistance as well as other state programs. Many nonprofit organizations are available to assist disabled citizens after their parents have passed, so the sole burden does not fall upon the sibling's shoulders.

My mother has conservatorship over my brother's medical affairs, while a local nonprofit organization oversees his financial affairs. When Mother passes, there is a small trust fund set aside for him that I will manage. I will then become his medical conservator. Everything is set up in a way that I can care for my brother while maintaining a life separate from him. -- Lisa in San Diego

Dear Lisa: I was enlightened by the responses that poured in offering additional recommendations that may alleviate the concerns of both "No Thanks" and her mother. Thank you for sharing yours. Read on:

Dear Abby: I am a senior support coordinator (futures and estate planning) with The Arc of Frederick County, Md. The concerns "No Thanks" has about being completely responsible for her sister's care are frequently expressed by siblings of children with disabilities. Fortunately, there are many possibilities for her family that would allow the best of both worlds.

The Arc (www.arcfc.org) offers information and support in almost every state. We serve individuals with disabilities and their families and can assist with plan development.

Thank you for printing the letter from this young lady, Abby. She echoes the concerns of siblings around the world, and there IS an answer. -- Karla in Frederick, Md. Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Write Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.